Fear in meditation is not mentioned when people talk about meditation, the effects of meditation are very real, I have always wanted to know what the martial arts were all about and after years of practicing what most people would call external martial arts I wanted to find out what was so good or different about the internal martial arts, so years I studied with various local tai chi instructors to get a handle on what this internal stuff was all about. All the instructors that I met would show me how to to a tai chi form one or two moves per week and then tell me to go and practice what I had learned from them, this seamed ok but it just felt that I was only doing a dance and copying what my instructor was doing I couldn’t see why they were calling this dance an internal art. I also practiced bagua but this too felt as if I were just copying and it didn’t seem any different to running or walking so why was it called an internal art what were the old books talking about ?
In the books that I had tread they say that tai chi is the supreme ultimate but all the instructors that I had met didn’t seem to be supreme to me they just seemed to know lots of moves with names added to them like brush knee push, ward off, needle in sea bottom and so on so what is so good about that, that you can’t get from somewhere else ?
This is not the tai chi that fable are made of this is at best just good mechanics, I can’t find one instructor that can fly like they do in the movies so what is going on. The teacher is saying relax and yield and use your opponents force against them, this sort of seemed ok when the other partner plays the game, but what happens when there is some kind of resistance ? Well I practiced but it seemed that I was being fooled. I kept trying and one day I heard about jam jong which is standing meditation. I thought I would give it a go I stood for a short while which is harder than I thought it was going to be, I had played sport for all my school life so I was quite fit even without doing martial arts. To my surprise when I stood I shook and sweated I felt hot one minute cold the next, this is scaring me is this normal ?
I followed my instructions and things started to settle down a bit, but what I did notice which scared me again was the thoughts that I was having whilst I was standing still, the stillness makes you look inside yourself and the thoughts that I had were eerie. I realized that what I was doing was digging into my conscience and facing what was there. it’s like holding a mirror to yourself and seeing the real you not the on that you show to the outside world. This was a real eye opener and this is what is meant when they say internal art, you see inside and act accordingly, it can be scary but once you know how your body reacts to what it finds you can start to see what is real and what is imagined.